Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
