Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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