you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
