He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
