tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
