I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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