tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
