I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
