that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
