dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
