Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
