Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
