i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
