I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
