Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
