somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My vagina just clenched in fear
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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