Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
