So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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