You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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