Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We were destined to go to rehab together
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
