The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
