Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
