just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
