The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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