conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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