So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
