piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
