One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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