His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
