update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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