hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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