How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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