he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
