I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
