I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
