My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
