Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
