so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
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I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
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At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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