Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
