I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
