We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
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On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
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Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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