her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
