She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
