Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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