we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
