Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
