I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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