I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
