I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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