I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Your cock deserves a montage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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