I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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