apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm too high and old for this...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
