ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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