you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
