You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
