dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
