I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
