I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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