Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
