just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
