He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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