Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
