First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
