my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
