i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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