You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
