Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
