I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
