We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
