Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
