i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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