he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
