can u get pink eye on your cock?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
