I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize