I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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