I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
sex in a hospital.. check
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
