u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize