So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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