im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
